Rollercoaster called Life

~ Where Cacti grows in the Wild ~

"I never seen cacti grow in the wild before.  I want to take a picture of one."  A friend said while on the shuttle to the hotel.

For a moment that sounds so strange to me, cacti growing in the wild?  I thought they came from the nursery, where I had seen them my whole life until this year.  I guess I am pretty lucky this year.  In 25 years, I have never made trips to the west.  Now I have been there twice in one year!  First time it was in Las Vegas, NV in April and now Phoenix, Az. 

 
From Embassy Suite Hotel in Phoenix, Az. 

A group of us from work was elected to travel to Phoenix for some training. It was all expense paid, except for alcohol trip for two nights.  There were two people from customer service *Never met*, one from IT *Never met*, and two from EH&S.  Luckily, we got along rather well on the trip, and done everything from drinks to spending time in the pool together.  We all had separate rooms at the Embassy suites, which is a very nice hotel.  Two room suites with King beds, complimentary cook to order breakfast, and cocktails in the evening.  

When stepping outside, it felt like a burst of heat in a sauna.  The low humidity prevents sweating, but the heat will exhaust you until your body adapts. There is no such thing as grass, but the greenery is there from the palm trees and brush.  Definitely, desert environment with rock hills and mountains dotted along and around Phoenix.  What is so interesting about Phoenix is that its so widespread.  The buildings and homes are not in close clusters.  Of course most buildings in homes have the Spanish accents and tile roofs.  It is a beautiful city, no question about it.

The company I work for is TCS, Tata Consultancy Service.  The Tata Conglomerate is huge in India.  You may have heard of the Tata Nano, the most inexpensive car known, Tata Steel, and many other fractions from Tata.  It interesting with being involved with a company from another country.  The customs and culture has an influence on how the company operates and decisions made from leadership.  Which honestly at times could become difficult if you have different view or experiences that could lead to conflict.  Which is not a bad thing at all, and there is a lot of growing and learning to do with situations like that. 

Anyways, before I even thought about entering my interest about this trip I had some concerns on who I will meet along the way.  So far I met some people from other departments *good*, encountered some crazy taxi drivers that couldn't really speak English well *good to be alive*, and the other participants for the TCS training workshop.  The only group besides the woman from the Phoenix office is U.S. born I would say. *Oh except for the IT guy, he is from Egypt*.  Most of the groups was Indian.  Which is great to meet everyone from other areas in TCS as well from different heritages.  The only issue is understanding the accent and geography from which the examples were coming from.  Because this company is from India, most of the workshop referred to India.  I learned a lot while being there, and good tools for problem solving and team building.     

Overall the trip was awesome.  The flight there in first class was great.  I had a drink in my hand before taking off.  Although, the trip home could have been better, and Delta and Atlanta Airport is on my ongoing shit list.  I had an hour delay and then another hour delay while on the plane.  They seated my in the last row near the toilets and engine.  It Stunk! It was so loud that I had a migraine from the engine roaring!  I was freezing my ass off even with the a/c shut off.  I will tell you my whole story about Delta and Atlanta airport later...lets just say if a nuclear bomb *figuratively* falls onto Atlanta I would not shed a tear, good riddance. 

The Creeping Past ~Martial Arts~

Have you ever been affiliated, dedicated to an organization or activity for a decent part of your life and then suddenly left?

You didn't tell anyone why you left, or maybe not even understand why at the time, but had only the notion that you need leave and move on with you life?

Do you regret your decision?

These types of questions have been plaguing me for over ten year now.  The little voice that is so annoying and never ceases in my mind always asks me questions, but I can never answer back.  So my mind asks again and again and drives me nuts because I don't know the true answer.

I am a 1st degree Black belt in Tang Soo Do Moo Duk Kwan.  There is never a such thing as a former martial artist or former black belt, its is in the heart, and not on the belt.  One of my most cherished achievements is receiving my 1st degree black belt because the regiment isn't like the run of the mill karate studios.  I remember walking by other karate school's window and just laugh at them for the lack of dedication, spirit, and perfection.  I would say the type of training I grew up with is intense military, traditional, and philosophical.  From when I was 9 years old to a teenager, martial arts was my life.  I went around the nation and world in tournaments, did performances, instructed, and every new opportunity arose I taken it.  After school for about four hours a day, I would either be training or instructing.  My body would pass out on my bed at 10 pm from all of the activities.  This philosophy was carried from martial arts into my academic life and personal life.  It laid my foundation for my life it has served me well for years, but I feel now that I am off the track and stuck.

My life isn't where I want it to be and its very naive believe that it will come out just as I hoped for.  Quite honestly, I feel like one of those kids that were famous when they were young and their adult life is really messed up.  The one leg up, always places you two steps back.  I know that my life is better than others, but why is life worth living if you aren't living life the way you want to?  Thats a tongue twister. 

My life has so many loose ends and knots more than the Cobble's knot.  I don't think even Maniac Magee could solve my puzzle.  I really want to go back into Martial arts and just develop a greater shield on all of the ill influences in life.  I want to go back into Martial arts to regain the feeling of belonging and absorb the limelight that glows everytime you are performing in front of an audience, or just demonstrating to your students.  It definitely wouldn't be the same as like it was ten years ago, in fact, the place where I trained changed immensely in a decade. 

Do I regret leaving Martial arts?  There are many yeses and nos.  There are reasons why I left and they are valid reasons.  I had to start thinking about whether or not I am going to college.  Are there other pursuits I want to do that martial arts is soaking up my free time.  Also the feeling of lose of connection with my instructor and felt not as welcomed by my senior instructor anymore just made the push.  They always put a glass ceiling on my abilities to perform and participate in the organization.  I went from pet to stepchild without understanding why they treated my that way. The business behind the scenes was shaping influencing their motives.  Their focus shifted from developing very skilled and worthy practitioners to dollar signs dancing around the students' head.  They were in the midst of becoming a run of the mill karate school which I despise because it throws mud in everyone else's face that worked so hard and diligently to earn their belts instead of handing it to them.  I will never agree with that! 

But I still want to go back...

I miss it, and felt the best times of my life is centered around my martial art experience.  I couldn't even describe everything in enough detail of the drama that happened during karate that made it worth living for.  I just don't know if I can go back...or how to go back.

Wonderful World of Telekinesis

I am sure everyone had this situation one time or another.  It is a nice sunny day, the breeze fondles your hair, and you’re cruising down the interstate.  There isn’t a lot of traffic, no construction cones, and easily fallen into a trance of tranquility.  The all of the sudden, BRAKES! BRAKES! WORK, BABY, WORK!   The prized Mally the Malibu comes to a screeching halt.  The Vehicles are about three miles along ahead of you and slowly navigating around whatever.  The redness blushes through as you grow impatient and angry.  The horn won’t work and you can’t maneuver into another lane.  You just want everyone to…get…out…of…the…f..^...#..%..&..$..g…WAY! 

 

“Be one with the force….” A peculiar voice within whispers.

 

The cars seem just to obliterate out of thin air and levitate off the road.  The buses, semis, and the every god forsaken VAN are floating in air.  WTF!?  The road is clear, no cars, no buses, no semis, and no cones.  Heaven at last.  Then Mally the Malibu begins again the glorious summertime cruise down the road off into the sunset.

 

GEEK!  Ha, yeah right, right?  It’s a nice thought.  Isn’t it unusual though to have events like window slams shut when no wind or people are around?  Or when the sink suddenly turns on with no one around?  You found your keys in a spot at which you have no clue how they got there.  Is it ghosts or poltergeist?  How about someone playing a practical joke?  Are your shoes tied?  Boxers or Briefs?  Ok, I will shut up now.

 

 

Throughout history we have been very interested in events or phenomena that are mysterious, the unexplained.  We are compelled to thrive on the unknown and believe we have more powers than we seem to know.  Skills like telepathy where we can read another mind, OBE or outer body experiences, and the one of the most profound telekinesis.  Telekinesis is the ability to use your own energy to move physical objects without touching them.  Telekinesis is blanketed with skeptics and believers, but never have been scientifically proven that telekinesis exists.  If telekinesis does exist, could it explain other unexplained events, such as poltergeist activity?  Could our minds have the capacity to move objects in another room or another home somewhere far from where you are?  Example of telekinesis is in the video below.

 

 

There is a false claim that we use only 10% of our brain capacity, and this promotes the possibility of humans having telekinetic capabilities.  This misconception is from many misinterpreted research and intelligent reasoning.  One famous person caught up in this myth is Albert Einstein.  There are very few resources on the internet for investigation, but we will assume that we use 100% of our brain.  Then how could the possibility to use energy to move physical objects?

 

Follow with me on this demonstration and hopefully you will experience the same thing I am.  *Great time for comments*

 

1)  Wash your hands, and make sure they are ambient temperature.  The hands must be dry also.

2)  Have your hands cupped slightly, palm to palm, and about an inch apart.

3)   Mediate and focus on the space in between your palms.  

4)   After a few minutes your fingers will begin to tingle and feel a slight sensation on your palms.

5)   Wait for a few more minutes.  When you’re ready slowly pull back your hands to about five inches and back to one inch.  Did you feel the energy flexing in the space between your hands?

6)  Now if you keep that energy strong, slowly rotate your hands as if you are making a snowball.

 

I would like someone to explain that sensation of having energy in between your hands and could that be the energy used to move physical objects when it is at greater concentrations.

 

In investigating the possibility of telekinesis, Parapsychologists does research on two types of measurable and observable psychokinetic and telekinetic effects in experimental laboratory research.  They are the Micro-PK and Macro-PK.  The Micro physchokinesis has a very small effect, for example the effect on atoms and molecules. Macro physchokinesis is a larger scale effect that can be seen with the unaided eye.  This is the most common account observable, for example the video link above.  The United States National Academy of Sciences in 1984 done research on Macro and Micro PK and concludes the results are inconclusive.   

 

There are many explanations to debunk Psychokinetic abilities.  They could be explained by illusions, static electricity, magnetism, and an over zealous imagination.  The video below explains the events in the video below.

 

 

 

Some believe that static electricity will allow some movement of items, even when they are surrounded in glass.  Magnets are the most common in facilitating movement in other potential magnetic items from a hidden magnet in hand or under the table.  Many magicians or illusionists career are built around making items levitate, move, and disappear.  Of course, without knowing their process, they seem to have very substantial telekinetic powers.  Also some people have very vivid imaginations or on medications that alters the mind in how it is interpreting unusual events.

   

From yours and mine personal experience, how do we explain suspicious events that happen to us, when we really don’t have a logical explanation?  The door or window slammed shut because of the wind or draft, when its still air outside.  I must have placed these keys here, when they are found in the most strangest and illogical places.

 

I was conducting research at the University late one evening during the summer ‘08.  During this time of day, I was alone, literally by myself in the whole building.  In the research lab, the sink is up against a hood that runs from floor to ceiling on the left.  Then on the right side of the sink is some counter top space, and cabinet to place all the glassware.  When facing the sink, the wall has areas to hang items allowing them to drip dry.  I believe I was finishing the experiment and washing the glassware.  I am not that tall and my reach is limited in placing items on the wall so I normally place them upside down on the counter.  I was fixated on getting everything cleaned up so I could go home.  While falling into a dazed at the sink, I suddenly felt something tap my left shoulder, CLASH.  Puzzled, I turned around to see what fell, and it was a 25 ml Volumetric flask!  How in the hell did that fall from such a height on my left side to hit my shoulder? That freaked me out badly, because it was near impossible.  Volumetric flasks are bulb shaped flasks with a long neck, and that neck fits snuggly on the hook on the wall.  If  the flask wasn’t hanging correctly and falls, it won’t have such an arch to fall pass the sink, even from the top row of hooks on the wall.  Also, there would have to have been some type of applied force for it to reach my shoulder at the angle it was coming from.  There are no shelves or areas for flasks to fall from on the left side other than from the hooks on the wall.  I was standing a good six inches away from the sink, drying the glass with a paper towel at the time.  I couldn’t blame it on Ghost Kitty because Ghost Kitty, my explanation for unexplainable events at home, wouldn’t come to work with me.  Could it have been poltergeist activity, or could I have spontaneously used physchokinesis while I was in the daze?  Could have someone else far away used their unknown physchokinetic ability to move the flask?

 

Do you have any other possible explanations?  Do you believe in telekinesis or other types of supernatural phenomenon that could explain unusual situations?

 

~How to Keep your Ten Year Old Car Like New~

Here are some valuable tips in maintaining a healthy care for years to come.

 

1)  Don’t park next to concrete columns in the parking garage.  The only spot in the whole parking garage might be next to the concrete column and your running late for a class Intro to Bioethics, but don’t take the chance…the concrete always wins.  Unless you have a Metro or Escort, leave the parking space alone or you may end up needing a $2000 paint job and replace the rear passenger door.

 

2)   Before rolling it off the dealership lot, make sure the car is complete.  It is not the greatest day when you bring it home, it is missing the clear coat, and chipping within the first week of having it.

 

3)   Don’t drive on ice, or better yet, don’t brake on ice.  Either way you will slide into every direction that you don’t want to go and end up rear ending an off duty police officer.  It doesn’t matter the speed, where you are at, or where your going, the cop will be there with his dinky S10 truck at a stop sign not even giving the consideration to move out of your way.  You try to steer out of the way…*BAM!!*  You smash into his truck and he slides into the intersection.  The car will have a broken headlight, grill, fender, and bumper while there is not even a dent on his truck.  Also the question “Did you call the cops?” and “I have to call my supervisor...” while he flashes his badge is not the most embarrassing moment.  At least he admits to be ass ended by a hot chick to the chick’s father and homeboys.  Homeboys, the eight other cop cars that surround your car and is checking out the little situation their buddy is in.  Only one of them took the ID, registration, and insurance.  I guess when the father slides flat onto his ass while getting out of his truck, and the supervisor shuffling his feet to remain balance while sliding into your car to give back your documents warrants no citation.

 

4)   When having the pride of owning a relatively new car, make sure it is parked in the garage.  Please don’t park it on the road or in the driveway because that only promotes vandalism.  If you leave it in the driveway, at any given time trees will pounce on it, or better yet, elbow drop into your lovely new car to the point your car says, “Uncle!”  Then when you decide to leave in the car in road for one night only to not block visitors in the driveway, hoodlums are magnetize to the car like flies to a Bug Zappers.  All of them swarming, buzzing and gazing at the pretty object trying to figure out how, if, and when to touch the pretty object without the ZAP!  Well, most cars unfortunately don’t Zap *They should*, and those pests can just grab whatever they want.  They took the fairy trash bag, cell phone charger, stereo, but the keys to the other vehicles/home and change cup is way too much to carry!!  What a great scene to wake up to.  The neighbor knocking at your door and pointing to your car out in the road, with weather stripping cut and dangling along the door, the window pushed down, and the inside of the car in a complete state of entropy.  It is an overwhelming disappointment to find the car in utter chaos and feel violated.

 

5)  Traffic signals are out to get you!  Traffic signals have a personal vendetta against motorists.  They will turn yellow right before you are at the intersection forcing you to either come to a screeching halt or zoom through hoping there aren't any unaware drivers that wont plow into your car.  There are also the blinking red and red or the blinking red and yellow signals.  Sometimes you can't tell which one they are and afraid if you stop and go through that the other vehicle won't stop and T-bone the car.  Well these traffic lights have assistance from the sun because when either the sun is glaring behind or ahead of you, its hard to determine which color is lit.  If you choose the wrong one and cautiously go through, an old lady will clip your rear end pulling the bumper off your car and into the middle of the road.  Not sure if you just ran over an animal or hit a pot hole you look into the review mirror, "Oh crap!"  Don't worry, the judge will completely not understand your deposition about the traffic light vendetta, but she will decide to give you a speeding ticket because the sun's detail in the whole story just shined through.

 

6)   A new engine is always a good thing!  I will give you a little tip here, THINK WITH YOUR DIP STICK!!! *SWAP*  Apparently, the good old faith about just getting an oil change every 3000 miles isn't as golden as one may think.  The one day of slowly pulling out of the driveway and *POP*and no performance from the engine which indicates a big expensive oopsy.  Try on the "I'm Clueless and Stupid" costume while having your car towed with a blown engine at 40,000 miles.  You will be life of the grease monkey party as they diagnose your car with a spun bearing, and a fucked up crank shaft *while laughing at you*.  The payment would be about $5,000 for sparkling up the good ol' engine because four years ago you thought it would be best to get the big 2.4 Liter Twin Cam instead of the 2.1 Liter which everyone on earth bought except you.  Also spend a day every month for now and forever adding oil to the not so seal proof newly rebuild sparkly engine.  Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Murphy's Law is a Bitch!

April 23, 2010

If you have never heard of Murphy's law or never happened to you, please feel very lucky.  Between karma and this epigram will nip you in the ass.  For those of you that don't know the epigram, it is, "Anything that could go wrong, will go wrong." by Capt. Edward A. Murphy. 

Murphy's Law is actually an idiom which has evolved over time from a variety of sources. The mathematical representation is that 1+1 hardly ever equals to 2.  This statement reminds me of the long drawn out semesters of calculus 1 and 2 in college where you have to find limit to equations.  While trying to discover sources to explain this phenomenon, I came upon this experiment called the Mad Hatter project.  When I was reading this I was amazed with the concept, analysis, and results applied to Murphy’s law in quantum physics, which I am still really skeptical.  The morbid self found the article very entertaining because it has my two favorites cats and science.  I would have never taken the next step of slapping a piece of buttered toast onto the cat’s back throwing them off the crane to observe the landings, but tossing kittens off the front porch watching them land on their feet was fun enough.  Yes, cats do land on their feet.    

 

The diagram of the buttered toast and cat experiment from the Mad Hatter Project

 

Well this morning, I was backing out of the garage and didn't notice our empty plastic trash cans were out a bit farther on the driveway next to the grill.  Now going back to the beginning to develop this Murphy's Law realization, I just bought a new Imperial Blue Chevy Malibu in February.  It’s beautiful and not like other Malibu LT1s.  The blue is deep and glistens nice from the metallic flakes.  It has the chrome grill like the LTZ, the heated seats like LTZ or LT2, and chrome door handles.   About a week later after rolling the Malibu of the dealership lot it wouldn’t start.  There is a new car in my garage, I am trying to go to work, and it won’t start!  My thoughts were reeling with why wouldn’t a new car start, and I even called onstar.  They couldn’t detect anything wrong with the transmission and engine.  So it had to be towed and taken back to the dealership where for another week and horrible winter storm that prevented the shipping of a part it needed, an oxygen sensor.  Then last week another horrible experience unfolded and continuing to haunt me while the situation is still rather current and unresolved.  At this moment, I will not comment on this experience until a later date or whenever I feel comfortable enough publicizing it.  Then today I was pulling slowing and not realizing how close I was to the garbage cans untilI heard something move outside my car door.  I stopped and looked out and it was the garbage cans!  I thought to myself, no big deal, I pulled forward enough to get out my car and put the empty garbage cans back and left.  When I got to the parking garage to meet my carpool I seen white scratches trailing from the front wheel all the way across my drivers door.  DAMN IT!!  When I got to work I called the dealership and after work I am going there for them to take a look at it and maybe I can figure something out.  When will this end?

 

Big Heart, Big Problem....

April 27, 2010

Ever since I was five years old, I have always had a cat as a pet.  I have a very big heart towards cats and other animals. I can't bare to see them in any type of suffering.  Any animal is always at odds in surviving life without help.

About seven years ago, Wow that is a long time ago and I didn't even realize it!  I was out in the yard bringing in yard decorations and getting ready for Fall.  It was a one of those evenings where the landscape glowed dimly from the sun setting and the gentle breeze gave a cool crisp ambiance.  I seen something around my, Playhouse, which is now our storage shed.  I approached the playhouse slowly, cautiously because I didn’t want to scare whatever this creature was.  I crept around the back and I was so astonished at the horrid realization before me.  A very small kitten screamed at me, almost shrieking in fear.  This kitten was nothing; I mean barely hanging onto what life it had left.  She was a calico, probably a few months old, with no hair on her back, and seen every bone beneath her delicate skin.  I never seen an animal so sickly before and my heart crumbled.  I have to do something about this kitten, but I can’t keep her.  She could be really sick! This kitten could not survive a few more cold nights.  Should I take her to the vet? Should I feed her?

I decided to approach her slowly to see I could get close to her. I got about two feet away when she scampered off.  I laid in bed all night thinking about her.  This poor little kitten outside in the cold with no food and fur.  That image of her in my mind tortured me.

A few days later, I heard rustling of something on the other side of the playhouse when I was on the back porch coming home from college.  I went behind there and seen that kitten pulling on an opossum carcass into a hole under the playhouse she called home.  She freaked and scurried into the hole.  Cats don’t eat caresses!  This is making me sick, and I am going to have to start getting this cat to become comfortable around humans or she’ll never have the chance.    So that night my family had steak for dinner, and against my parent’s advise I took all the fat and meat leftover and threw them near the playhouse. Moments later….there she was taking what she could back into her hole. Eureka!

For the next few nights, I threw the leftovers from our meals to her.  She gladly accepted the gesture but still was very afraid of any type of interaction.  The nights and days were becoming colder and colder to the point where frost crusted the grass every morning.  I have begun feeding her by hand and buying cheap cat food.  I would give her food by hand, pet her, and give her some more food.  I would talk to her in a nice quiet voice to avoid startling her.  What amazed me about her was that she wasn’t growing much fur.  I was feeding her for weeks now.  Because of the cold temperature in the evening, I would put on an old coat with gloves to go outside, picked her up, and tucked her in my coat.  Finally! The poor little kitten took in the warmth and finally felt comfortable enough for a short nap in my arms.

We were very concerned for the reasons why her fur wasn’t growing back. Mange?  But finally after a month of regular feeding it bugan to grow back, we took her in our home, and begun to call places that would take her in and put her up for adoption.  Her name is Tweetle, Tweetle Lee Pansy, or Tweetle Dee.  She is the most plump, loyal, annoying, and bipolar cat I have ever met!  By the way, my other cat, Puffy, was very pissed about having another cat in her domain, a whole other story.  

I would like to hear from other people and their stories about how they found their pets.  Did the pets go shopping owners or did you go shopping for them?  What would you have done if this kitten was waiting at your doorstep?

Launching a Bit of Positivity to April 28th

April 28, 2010

I appreciate everyone who comes to my Blog site and reads my passages.  This is my official launch date and hoping for some very positive outcomes.  After all, on this day for many years has been apart of my rollercoaster called Life. 

This day has many meanings for me.  From the beginning of my rollercoaster, the bounds of horror, anxiety, happiness, and joy were the main aura of my life in the past ten years.  One of my most surreal, engagingly euphoric moments of my life was graduating from college on April 28, 2008 with a B.S. in Chemistry (concentration Biochemistry) from University of Michigan – Flint.  During the whole day, I felt depersonalized from the event taking place in front for me.  The idea of graduating from college and beginning a whole new chapter of my life was overwhelming and scary.  I also had this sense of sadness because all of my college friends were moving on, I was stuck here trying to figuring out what I wanted to do honestly, and had no clue how life would be outside of school.  I did have plans in place to go to graduate school, and finished my applications about a month earlier.  Unfortunately, this bit of excitement and opportunistic motivation to focus on the direction of my life was overshadowed by the discovery of my father was very ill.

About a week after the commencement, I was still doing independent research at the university when I received the most horrific, terrifying call from my mother.  “Courtney, the hospital called.  And I don’t know how to tell you this, but your dad’s liver and kidneys are failing.” 

Overwhelmed in dread and the rush of adrenaline pricked every synapse in my body as I told my professor that I had to leave because something was horribly wrong with my father.  The signs were there about my dad’s failing health for years, but no one, not even the doctors knew what was to come.  For the next year, it was dialysis, doctor appointments, hospitalizations, and taking care of a slowly dieing man while trying to get him on the transplant list.  I knew the chances of receiving a liver and kidney was near impossible.  The disparity of not being able to do anything weighted heavy on my mother and I.  My father was literally wasting away.

On April 27, 2009, my mother and I visited my father at the hospital.  My father couldn’t talk to us because of the oxygen mask and ventilator from respiratory failure.  He couldn’t receive any nutrients because it will only feed the ever growing bacterial infection and increase the ammonia in his body from his liver failing to convert the proteins into urea.  His tummy was increasing in size from water retention and slowly leaking through his back where once a tube was inserted to assist in draining his tummy.  What I described here doesn’t even explain everything that he was going through.  His vital signs were abnormally normal.  His heart rate 80 beats per min, and nice EKG rhythms.  I stood there next him as I talked to him and held his hand.  I made sure the nurse suctioned out the mucous because the chest congestion was making it hard from him to breathe and he smiled.  Mother was on the other side of the bed watching him.  I then sat down in a chair, it was a long day.  As she was talking him, I felt an overwhelming sickness and dread.  I have to get out of here.  I am feeling so sick that I want to throw up!  It had been about an hour, which is our normal duration of stay.  We told him that we loved him and get your rest.  As we walked out of the room, the strangest gesture from my father stricken my mother and I.  He was holding out his hand out towards us, staring, as if he didn’t want us to go.  But we left hoping and optimistically believing there will be tomorrow.  Later that evening, just before midnight, we received a call from the hosiptal.

My life changed forever from that moment on.  There were some videos from You Tube that my neighbor, mother, and I watched to break the perpetual mourning with some laughter that early morning.  The links I will share with you below.  I had to suddenly become a woman that had to take care of my mother, my family, the household duties, funeral arrangements, and brush everything in my life that I needed to figure out off to the side.  Only a few people know how I truly coped with such change while others only see a harden shell, but honestly I am just lost.  The only way not to feel so much hurt is that my father is not suffering now…anymore. 

A year later, I am bringing a new opportunity on the anniversary of my father’s passing.  When there are so much negative things to dwell on or memories that will leave myself depressed and missing him, I have decided to start this Blog.  This is where I hope positive change begins not for only myself but whoever is touched by my Blog in some form.                   

You Tube Videos

1)   Simon's Cat TV Dinner

2)   Simon’s Cat “Cat Man Do”

3)   Simons’s Cat “Let Me In”

4)   Kitty Song